Abismo de Pasión #4- Thursday 3/15/12 - Pop Goes The Sleazel

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Yeeks! We open with a refresher of Medusa in confession. She acts so possessed I keep waiting for her head to turn 360s. Even the background music sounds Exorcisty. “Es me cuñado” never sounded so satanic.

We then get the expected griping about sis stealing what Carmina deserved and Car being driven crazy by jealousy. Lupe bravely refutes the demon (well, it’s his job isn’t it?), Augusto always loved Estefania, he says. He really lets her have it while she strangles her rosary. Then she starts hissing some drivel about getting money, power and position through Rosendo. Her  green eyes bug out as she bares her white fangs and pronounces that Padre Lupe is now her accomplice because he can’t tell her secret to anyone. He jumps out of the confessional, grabs her and manages to wrestle the rosary out of the infidel's grasp, but otherwise he’s pretty impotent.

Rosendo and Fina argue loudly about Damian and Gael getting caught red-handed pilfering from mom’s purse. Damian overhears and explains the money was for him, not Gael. He lost the money pops gave him and he had to pay for the amulets. He got them so that mom and dad would remember they love each other and stop fighting. Oopsie, out of the mouth of babes.

The pugilistic parents are humbled and dad asks Damian to promise never to take money without asking. He believes his son won’t steal again and to prove it dad reveals to Damian where he keeps the petty cash “in case of emergencies”.  As heir to the ranch it’s time for Damian to know this and act responsibly. Damian gets his 100 pesos from the cofre and they hug, awwwww what a sweet scene.

Over at Casa Castañon they are getting ready for mass. Augusto gets on Estef’s case for confronting Fina but Estefania holds her ground. She says that sort of nasty chisme could affect the children! “ (Would someone please turn that darn music box down!?) Augusto backs down and admits he had a conversation with Rosendo. Fact - Ros is fooling around but wouldn’t say with whom. Elisa joins them and the temporarily happy family heads off to church. Bad hair dad asks will Carmina join them? Estef says no way would Carmina go into a church, not by accident and certainly not for Our Father’s mass. She forgot about option #3.

The local watering hole - Creepy Carmina sees Creepier Gabino ride up and go inside for a snort. Gab spies Lucio at a table and decides to ruin his night. Gab says Lucio might have won the battle but the war’s not over. Thanks for the warning, says Lucio, slamming his drink but looking like he'd rather slam Gab's head into the table.

After Lucio leaves Carmina slithers in and shakes her bootie, I kid you not. Gab bites, he wonders why she’s not at mass with the others. He’s pretty sure Rosendo wouldn’t like to hear she’s at the cantina. “Hey, I’m single, right?  Ya wanna dance?” she coos. Nopis, says the perplexed Gabino, so Carmina grabs another dude and hits the dance floor.

Fina and Rosendo are arguing AGAIN about Gael being Damian’s pal. She just wants to know why Rosendo insists on usurping her authority at every opportunity. (Uh, because you’re an insane, hideous witch who is trying to turn your son into a snotty butthead?) They agree on one thing, living with each other in this house is hell for both of them. Fina rues the day she married him, she should have married a Don Nadie, maybe another man would value her! He calls her hysterical and then hysterically slams the door behind him.

The church bells ring and the whole town gathers for mass accompanied by the choir of angels. Padre Loopy prays about the heavy load he is carrying. Then padre and Gael prepare themselves for the mass, so cute.

Rosendo goes to the stables for a ride just as Gabino trots up with the 411 that Carmina is over at the cantina behaving like a medusa in heat. This causes Rosendo to saddle up and gallop off. He's a busy dude, pithed off wife, demanding slut on the side, life's tough for the hot sauce king.

Now we pay a little visit to the yerberia in the woods where Ramona is giving Paloma a hard time for losing the canasta (basket) of bread and not earning a peso. Paloma says she didn’t exactly lose it and she’ll retrieve it tomorrow. Also, it looks like the birdies died so Paloma thinks Ramona should return the money. (She hasn’t actually been paid yet, has she?) Ramona tells the kid to mind her own business but the poor tyke says her grandma is her business. She doesn’t like it that everyone calls granny una bruja and a bad person. That’s why she doesn’t have any friends, boo hoo. Gran gets nice and tells Paloma not to worry about the birds, she’ll see what she can do to make Elisa happy.

Rosendo finds Carmina strolling into Rancho Castañon. He blusters that she’s his, all his. Prove you love me then, she demands. She wins, he’ll do whatever she wants. “Good, get me out of this damn town,” she hisses. They smear each other with “kisses” or their disgusting version of such.

Fina visits Damian’s room to apologize for the fight but mostly to try, yet again, to stick it to Gael. Why can’t Damian have other friends? He says she doesn’t like any of his village friends. She crazily insists he’s better than all the other kids and she wants to send him away to a good school where he can meet others of his class. Damian’s not happy about mom’s Dickensian dream.

Rosendo and Camila have taken it out of the street and are now snoodling in the bushes. Under a bright light. Yeah sure they don't want to get caught. Ros says he needs a couple of weeks, think of the scandal, no way to avoid it, blah blah blah. That’s why they need to be gone when the mierda hits the fan, says Carmina. He definitely wants to split with her but he can’t help thinking about his son, how much he loves him and doesn’t want to leave him. She feigns sympathy, says she would love to take the boy with them but...but...Rosendo agrees it would be too cruel, not to mention Damian will probably never forgive him.  He says it’s an impossible situation but he can’t break the Tangel-ho habit. More clumsy kissing ensues and I can't bear to watch.

The mass is over and familia Castañon arrive home. Estefania peeps out the back door in time to see Rosendo and Carmina snogging under the trees. Busted!

Carmina sees the lights go on and fears they’ve been discovered. Rosendo says he’ll make up some half-a$$ed tale to explain his presence. She makes him promise on the name of his son that he’ll escape with her. For some reason he doesn’t seem to find this demand completely distasteful and inappropriate.

Elisa is setting the table when Carmina and Rosendo walk in alleging that Rosendo was waiting to talk to Augusto. Elisa stares at aunt Carmina who looks like she just ate a flock of canaries. The kid knows something is up with creepy Tia.

Que haces aqui? asks Augusto. Oh, er, Rosendo was just talking to the cuñada waiting for Augusto to get home. Augusto says that’s kind of weird considering Rosendo and Carmina can’t stand each other. Rosendo claims he stopped by to let Augusto know he’ll sign some contract at work tomorrow. “And you had to come to my house at this hour to tell me?” wonders Augusto.  He asks why Ros is so nervous and preoccupied, did he want to say anything else? Like about the woman he’s in love with?

Estefania confronts Carmina, Car is Rosendo’s secret lover, right? Carmina tries to deny deny deny but Stef stands firm. She saw them kissing in her own garden. How could Carmina steal another wife’s man? Uh, correction, insists Car, Ros and Fina were terminados long ago, she ain’t stealin’ nuthin’. Estef insists Car has no right break up a family. “What? I don’t have a right to be happy LIKE YOU?” whines Car. Estef asks why Rosendo when there are a thousand other guys around? El corazon se manda, retorts Carmina. Estef says Car sure is a great actress, pretending she hates Rosendo. And thanks to Carmina’s affair Fina thinks Ros is having it on with Estef. This misunderstanding is all Carmina’s fault. Carmina pretends to care and weeps her apology. She says what Estef saw was a good-bye. She broke it off with Rosendo, it’s over, she promises, and vows it on the memory of their father. The sisters hug and we get the classic telenovela over-the-shoulder hateful glare from bug-eye Carmina.

The halftime credits roll, mighty car crash, arm wrestling, boobs and biceps, fire and explosion!

Lucio tells Blanca about seeing Carmina blasting out of Rosendo’s office in a fury. They must have been discussing something very serious. Gee, wouldn’t it be weird if she and Rosendo have a thing going?  Blanca pooh poohs him, what would a cualquiera like Carmina see in a married man like Rosendo? Uh, how about Rosendo being a rich businessman and Carmina being an ambitious hussy, Lucio says.

Back to the Fur Elise (For Elise, get it?) music box, signifying we are in Estef’s room. She’s got Excedrin Headache #49 going strong. Elisa hits mom up for the money to pay for the bread. Dad joins them to find out why they’re not at the dinner table. Honestly, says mom, I’m not hungry and I, uh, miss my dad.

Rosendo is back at Hell House. Fina spies on him as he kisses young Damian goodnight. She douses herself with perfume and arranges herself seductively on the bed, but no joy. Rosendo approaches the door, then turns on his heel to sleep on the pull-out sofa. Fina promptly assassinates the perfume bottle, the scent of which causes her to convulse in coughing.

Next morning Elisa visits the church looking for Gael. She has a favor to ask, will he go to take the money and basket to Ramona? He wonders why she didn’t ask Damian? Because it’s very early and his mom’s always mad about something, she astutely observes.

Speaking of witch (not a typo), she’s cheering herself up by abusing the staff. (Reminds me of another Fina I used to  know.)  She sees Damian trying to sneak out, wonders why he’s leaving so early, but lets him off easy because she’s still sucking up to him and hoping he’ll side with her instead of dad. Maid Antonia cheerfully tells Fina that mister Rosendo left very early this morning and was in a big hurry.

Rosendo gallops over to the love shack having been summoned by Carmina. She’s in a dither and says they need to step up their escape plans. Sis discovered they are lovers and is ready to tell the world! Augusto could find out at any minute! Ros momentarily wonders why that matters. He says he’s been thinking, maybe it would be better if they acted like adults and were up front. He would just tell Fina and Carmina could tell Estef how things really are. “Are you crazy?” shrieks Car, “This is a telenovela and we have to run away and endanger the lives of everyone we know!” (OK, I made up that last part.)  She whines about small-town scandal, yada yada, crocodile tears, I want my way.

Damian comes to Padre looking for Gael. Padre Lupe says he left very early with Elisa. Damian tells Padre about the amulets he bought and why, so sad.

Over at the yerberia Gael shows up with the money and basket. Paloma excitedly discovers a doll in the basket and Gael asks about the birdies. Uh oh, Abuela says tell your little friend they’ll come back when they’re all grown up. Ramona gives Gael the stinkeye and wonders if he’s the kid that threw mud on Paloma the other day. Paloma, now friends with Gael, denies it but I don’t think Gran believes her.

Estefania, making yet another plain dress look impossibly beautiful, asks Lolita about Elisa. Lolita says she left very early, just like every other person in town. Estef goes to look for Carmina and finds her own perfume in Car’s room. Que? Augusto discovers her there and wonders what’s up, why is she acting so nervous? Estef admits that she’s worried about her sis, it's that Carmina, well the truth is Carmina...Ack!! Carmina justpopped into the room and scared the heck out of me! Anyway, Car tells Estef to shut it but Estef says she doesn’t like to keep secrets from her husband. Carmina pipes up that the truth is, she is leaving the pueblo forever.

Over at the pepper plant Gabino’s back in his work duds. (Why does he wear Deliverance to work but a decent long-sleeved shirt to the cantina?) Rosendo orders him to go to Merida and purchase two plane tickets for New York. Gabino assured Ros that he will demonstrate the utmost discretion. Ever notice how the only people who say that are blackmailing snakes?

Car tells Augusto that she feels like a load always mooching off of them. Nonsense, he replies, she’s a part of the family and is entitled. Where does she plan on going? Oh, maybe France to look for her papa’s family. Augusto asks the obvious question, why so much mystery surrounding such a stupid and inconsequential decision? Meanwhile Estef looks on in disgust. After Augusto leaves Car says she thinks it would be best to put some distance between Rosendo and herself.

Damian and Gael are fighting about Gael going to the curandera’s without him. Gael says he couldn’t go to Damian’s because his bruja of a mother doesn’t like him. They push each other a bit and argue who is Elisa’s best friend. Elisa thinks they are stupid boys so she runs off. They make up and Damian tells Gael about his father trusting him. They confirm they are best friends and do their BFF handshake.

Ack! There SHE is again, popping up and scaring me! Carmina surprises Rosendo at his stable, “Hola mi amor,”  scream-whispers the succubus. He nervously assures her he is moving forward with their escape plans except for one minor detail. He’s owes it to Alfonsina to tell her he’s leaving, but he won’t mention Carmina’s name. Car keeps sliming him with kisses, getting off on the danger of discovery. Suddenly they hear Fina and Carmina scuttles off, leaving the thick aura of betrayal behind. Fina tells Rosendo they need to talk, but then she smells The Perfume of His Lover. It’s on his shirt! It’s in the air! “She’s around, isn’t she??” demands Fina, “That damn woman is around here, hiding somewhere!"

Avances: Elisa overhears Carmina telling Augusto she loves him. The town gossips claim Estefania is Rosendo’s lover.

Dicho of the day:
Antes de que te cases, mira lo que haces: Before you marry, better be wary. (or maybe Look before you leap)

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